i once said i didnt want you to see this; changed my mind

Melting as spring's once-snow,
I dissolve prematurely,
But with no place to flow.

Collapsing into you,
While breaking your fall.
Dams made of water.

Can I or can't I?
So different -- new -- unknown.
Do our desires misalign?

This scares the Hell out of me.
Do you or don't you?
Will you or won't you?

An eager, perennial hope --
As infrequent met:
To touch, to hold, to dote.

So afraid of you.
What you do to me.
Unrelenting terror.

Building Maginot lines,
Even as I tear them down.
My soul itself confines.

So please be kind, gentle, soft;
Forgive when I transgress;
Help me to feel safe in you.
And be as much at home in my arms,
As I long to be in yours.

--
(I'm going a little crazy tonight. Not your fault. Not anyone's but my own.

Also, my roommate is presently throwing up in our trash can. It is gross.

I need to be held.)