Life

(click for big)

Lincoln, Nebraska, March 26

(click for big)

I actually like this one. His mom thought he was ruining my picture.

.

I miss intimacy. I want to feel skin on my skin.
I want comfort, warmth, trust, safety.

The only person I've ever loved won't speak to me.

owl 03.24

(click for big.)

there will be more pictures. exams this week so they might be a little time coming.

tomorrow i'm going to throw every ounce of myself at this desert. and i'm going to win.

I would go to a strip club

but it's far too late. I'm in scenic Davenport, IA, sleeping in a Super 8. Tomorrow I get to drive for 14 hours through such scenic locations as

• Iowa
• Nebraska

Woo boy, I can hardly wait.

Just for the hell of it, I started looking up how much local whores cost (craigslist). Far too expensive.

So I started browsing local gentleman's clubs. Came upon this classy establishment. I'd really like to go, but alas, I am quite sleepy. I'm going to try to hit it on the way back. Actually, my dream is to go to a strip club whose (THE MERRIAM-WEBSTER USAGE PANEL SAYS THIS IS OK) sign I can see from the highway. I can't wait to stroll in and not drink or tip. They'll adore me.

I'm leaving for Utah in the morning

So far the trip includes Rocky Mountain Nat'l Park (CO), Canyonlands Nat'l Parl (UT), and Monument Valley (Navajo but in UT). Trying to do some urban exploration on the way. Cool stuff by Toledo (abandoned Nike missile site what what). Let me know if you have any suggestions of places to visit. The giant space in between Ohio and Colorado is going to take forever if I'm bored.

i once said i didnt want you to see this; changed my mind

Melting as spring's once-snow,
I dissolve prematurely,
But with no place to flow.

Collapsing into you,
While breaking your fall.
Dams made of water.

Can I or can't I?
So different -- new -- unknown.
Do our desires misalign?

This scares the Hell out of me.
Do you or don't you?
Will you or won't you?

An eager, perennial hope --
As infrequent met:
To touch, to hold, to dote.

So afraid of you.
What you do to me.
Unrelenting terror.

Building Maginot lines,
Even as I tear them down.
My soul itself confines.

So please be kind, gentle, soft;
Forgive when I transgress;
Help me to feel safe in you.
And be as much at home in my arms,
As I long to be in yours.

--
(I'm going a little crazy tonight. Not your fault. Not anyone's but my own.

Also, my roommate is presently throwing up in our trash can. It is gross.

I need to be held.)

.

maybe someday i'll do something of worth.
maybe someday i won't resent things i should be proud of.
maybe someday i'll be sane.
maybe someday i'll be smart.
maybe someday i'll be beautiful.
maybe someday i'll truly live.

probably not.

motion 03.06

(click for big)

A couple more of this to come. Either here or facebook. Probably facebook.

psalm

Give me catharsis; give me peace.
Give me solidarity; knowledge;
Strength; rest; action; purpose.
Give me virginity; give me ignorance.

Destroy me; crush me.
Break me; hurt me.
End me so I may start me.

The past's weight will always grow.
I will never stop decaying.
The future will always hold fear.
I will never stop praying.

Remove this veil.
Let me see for myself,
So I may be consumed,
Wholly by the vast,
Unbreakable hopelessness.

untitled 03.02

(click for big)

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Haven't been too creative. Blame the stars.